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It's the Middle of the Night and We Can't Sleep

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Too much time on my hands Jan. 29th, 2005 @ 09:29 am
Seems as I couldn't sleep again last night, and I'm going on 21.5 hours awake (and won't be able to catch up on any till after 2pm) Thought I'd write here and let my mind wander for a couple minutes.

To be honest... I've been thinking about where and what direction my life is going. I took a turn that changed the flow of everything I know and now I'm just at a loss more times than I can count. As much as I can (and I get help in this area as well) I try to say everything is going as it should, even when deep down I feel it isn't. I miss things in californa, but I know the self destrucive life it would lead to... and end with... and while it's fun to deam and fantasize about, I don't want that life. I don't want to be the Father my dad was, or to have kids with a mother like mine was. And yet... I think about visiting all the time. Maybe a weekend escape or some shit... I dunno.

I'm tired of Eugene already. I knew this would heppen when I got here. This place has absolutely Zero to do. Especally when you're broke. I miss Ghost callin up and saying "Wanna go for a drive?" It was a way to unload, get my mind off shit, and laugh at this situation I was in.... at the time. There is no inner circle up here. It's just Me, Kaylynne, Richard, and Ali... and World of Warcraft.

So... What to do?

Well, right now... go to work. Cause... ya know... the bills HAVE to be paid.

I hate being an adult sometimes.

Once again it's 3 am Jan. 29th, 2005 @ 02:56 am

Wish I could sleep.

Wish he would call...

But he's probably asleep.



Current Mood: blahblah
What's Entertaining Me: First Encounter - Essex Blues Band

Same Bat Time, Different Bat Channel Jan. 28th, 2005 @ 03:06 am

He posted at about this time last night, I have the dubious honor tonight.  This was not planned, but it is sort of funny in a twisted kind of not right way.  I tried to sleep.  I put my head on the pillow, closed my eyes, and sleep just would not come.  So, I laid there, for about five seconds before I decided I could be doing something else.  I grabbed a book that I had to read for a class, but the words didn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense.  Needless to say, the book is now lying on the floor at my feet.  Then I tried working on a paper I have due on Milton's Paradise Lost, and if any of you have read Milton you know the kind of pain that is.  The paper turned into this meaningless ramble.  Easier to understand, but not at all productive.


Useless trivia of the night: Chocolate syrup was used for blood in the famous 45 second shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock's movie, Psycho, which actually took 7 days to shoot.

Is that the epitome of a sweet death, or what?  Bad pun, I know.

On that note... I'm going to find something else to do.

Current Mood: boredbored

I could still be on the phone talking to her. . . . . Jan. 27th, 2005 @ 02:42 am
She's gonna kick my ass because I am still up after telling her I was going to bed.

Fuck it. I'm going to sleep now.

i didn't know it could happen.. Jan. 27th, 2005 @ 02:49 am
I've become resistant to my sleeping pills.

I doubled dosages lastnight and still didn't sleep until 7 in the morning. I'm considering just staying up for the rest of the morning, day and evening, and just crashing out tomorrow night. That usually gets my sleeping pattern on track for a few nights at least. I need a healthy sleep scheduale. I'm watching Viva La Bam re-runs. I can't believe there isn't anything less irritating on. I don't know what's worse- trying (unsuccessfully) to sleep with a million thoughts running through your mind, or laying there thoughtless, with the fan running, and the boyfriend beathing, and listening to every other minute sound that normally wouldn't drive you insane.

Awake... Still Jan. 18th, 2005 @ 04:13 am
It's 4:30 in the morning and I am still awake. My mind is running in endless circles. I hear thousands of voices in my head clamoring for attention. Voices that speak of obligations, of duties that I have. Voices that cry out for the presence of those who are not here. Voices that whisper of possibilities. I try to tune them out, to focus on just one thing, but the maelstrom intensifies. The whispers become shouts and they drown out the need for silence. The cacophony rages loud in my own mind and I beg for one instant, just one instant, of blessed stillness. The merry-go-round continues unabated. I want to pick up the phone and call someone, anyone willing to share in my insanity, but I know that you are asleep; resting as I cannot and I can't begrudge you the peace for which I crave. This night like so many others I must find an outlet for my frustration, for the ceaseless awakening to which I am prone. I feel a scream building, a shriek that could turn the very walls to dust. I force myself to hold in the raging sound, to only let it dissipate a little more with each word that scrawls across this page, hoping that it will be enough. I shrug my shoulders, trying to ease the tension that resides at the base of my skull. A tension that radiates throughout every nerve, every sinew. My eyes are dry, reddened. The shadows beneath them like crevasses. The signs of my insomnia are there for all to see, but the cause... the cause is unknown.
Current Mood: listlesslistless
What's Entertaining Me: The Recluse - Cursive

Its 3 am... Dec. 25th, 2004 @ 02:23 am
What do I do?

Write a novel.
Research random subjects.
Drive 15 minutes to see if the grocery store is open.
Play xbox live.
Update my database.
Watch discovery science.
Take a long bath.
Create an imaginary friend.
Re organize my room.

So few choices, so much time.
Maybe I will get them all done tonight. Maybe I will just finish that dream I had last night instead.

She's sleeping and I'm not Dec. 5th, 2004 @ 04:08 am
Next time. I get to be on top!
Current Mood: restlessrestless
What's Entertaining Me: VNV Nation - Joy

Pour the cappuccino, Smoke them if you have them. It's Poetry Night Dec. 4th, 2004 @ 12:14 am

Life of an Insomniac


By Cheryl Kleeman


Nights are the longest days


for the man who does not sleep.


In the shadows around him


distortions of reality play.


He holds conversations with himself,


arguments that he debates.


His dissertations on life


become the immortalized words


of the hopelessly insane.


He does not wait for the dawn


because the sun rise waits for him.


His life is an endless cycle for which


the conventions of time do not exist.

Remember When They Shot Old Yeller, I Didn't Cry! Oct. 22nd, 2004 @ 02:06 am

In the Tune of Sesame Street's Rubber Ducky

Little Puppy, You're so dead

I'm gonna Crush you're fucking Head

Little Puppy, I'm gonna run over you  

I am not a dog hater and this evil beast isn't really a puppy. But this dog has been barking outside my house all night and it's 2 am! I'd shoot the dog but it's owner is my neighbor who also happens to be a cop. So I will be up all night listening to Cujo barking at NOTHING as I concoct a way to bring on this pups early demise.

Current Mood: pissed offpissed off

Oct. 17th, 2004 @ 01:33 am
Spare me your petty Bullshit.

Spare me my own bullshit.

I can't sleep and it's because my head won't shut the hell up. I don't mind thinking all the time but I would like  choice about who and what I think about. Paranoia of the Blue car to the Petty Little Girl who is always quoting "I hate that Guy" whenever my name is mentioned. The insomnia caused by the whirlwind passing in the electrical currents of the grey matter buried in the bone case of my skull can easily drive one mad.

Maybe I am already mad and I am mastering my performance of a sane individual.

"I'd like to thank the academy"

For some reason these days I have been practicing my role as an asshole. Maybe it is caused by the accident or maybe it's just the Month of October is just a bad time for me. Memory serves me and last October sucked, but that can be placed on the actions of "Reallycocks"

Whatever the fuck that mean't

A Little Warning of what could comeCollapse )

I guess this inability to sleep is based on the fact that I have some bent up rage in my system that needs a healthy way to be let out other than a grudge fuck.

Current Mood: irritatedirritated
What's Entertaining Me: :Wumpscut: - Mankind's Disease

BBC America Oct. 10th, 2004 @ 01:53 am
Wire in the Blood is on now. Something about watching this show in the middle of the night is a true sign that I'm not going to get sleep. Following an English Crime Drama stimulates the brain and automatically prevents you from sleeping.

Damn you BBC

Gladstone St. is keeping me up. Oct. 2nd, 2004 @ 12:25 am
Sitting here with the blue glow from my TV and nothing on but a Frausdots CD I put on. . . . . I'd sleep tonight if the neighbors German Shepard would stop barking at air. Not to mention the assholes who drive down my street with the obnoxious mufflers buzzing out of their Japanese Cars. If onlymy girlfriend were here to wear me out so I could sleep.

Why does this song sound like a Cure song done Karaoke?
Current Mood: tiredtired
What's Entertaining Me: Frausdots- Couture, Couture, Couture

Sep. 30th, 2004 @ 11:36 pm
Hatred, Fear and Stupidity are Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Of course, these make up our politicians.

Does this mean that the lunatics have taken over the asylum?

Wondering about the mental stability of a person running for the "leader of the free world" keeps me up.

Canada Anyone?
Current Mood: pessimisticpessimistic
What's Entertaining Me: Faithless - Mass Destruction

Sep. 28th, 2004 @ 04:01 am
So i thought i'd be able to catch up on some sleep considering i slept through work today. It must have been my body telling me something, although i'm not too sure what. But i arose and decided i should probably take my online labquiz that was due in 10 minutes. After that i rushed off to work on my neverending list of readings for class. Around 12 the coffeeshop kicked me out and i cursed my way to the office where i knew at least no one would be turning the light off in the middle of my discovering what a nonbonding pi bond in a sp3 bonding molecule really looks like. Around 1:30 i realized i wasn't too sure what was going on with my study group tomorrow and i checked my email. At that point i realized sleep was going to be a lost mystery for me again. A board member sent me a copy of the grant he wrote up. What is it with people that think they can get money for answering paragraph questions with a single sentence? I know grants aren't the easiest thing, but Jesus. Try! So i spent the last hour fixing that. Now im back to homework and my brain just isn't functioning anymore despite my hand trying to keep up with it by reaching for more coffee. I hope all those of you who are still up at least are doing it for a good reason like avoiding nightmares or nursing a baby and not just the whole no time for sleep thing.
Other entries
» some people get by....
well, here i am, wide awake.

well, not entirely awake...i've taken my daily dose of xanax and had a glass of wine and i was pretty tired to begin with...

i finally got my 6 month old son to sleep, after which i thought i'd curl up on the couch and prepare myself for a hot date with the sandman. wrong. sooooo wrong.

instead i've been online on and off for the past few hours digging through the somethingawful forums and googling for everything under the sun. something...anything. it's like i don't even want to find a reason to sleep, even though i know there's going to be a little boy awake in 6 hours wanting his breakfast and cuddles from his mom.

why the resistance?
» I need a good laugh
I think I should go turn on the Mtv and watch white people dance like black people. That is always quality entertainment. Then again I really should be sleeping. I do miss my nightmares so.
» Insomnia and Delirium in So Cal
I close my eyes and see visions of Blonde Redheads and Redheads with Raven hair. It's better than finding a bloody knife or a 357 in the toilet. I really need to get a full night of sleep and stop watching fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

I hate this dizzy feeling you get when your body wants to shut down. It's like being drunk but I'm not as happy.

But it least when I am tired like this I can be up front, honest, rude and enlightened. And I know the people I hate and I know whats really going on. Perhaps change is in order. Except I don't know what color I want.

I miss sleep
» Sleep time?
All week I spent not having time to sleep.

This weekend I have all the chances to get some sleep

And now I can't sleep.

Ironic, Don't you think?
» Insomnia caused by a Dilema
I hate it when I can't get things off my mind.

I hate it more when it prevents me from sleeping.
I've just had a lot on my mind regarding people I have been dealing with the past few days and it is driving me crazy. I try to lay down but every time I do, my subconscious begins to play out a scenario.
Do I say something? Do I keep my mouth shut? How will she react? Will it be a happy ending? Will she hate me?

I just want to sleep and not think about this. But my mind is determined to bother me about this.

Any advice?
» (No Subject)
alright guys. I've been gone all summer from your nighttime postings and i thought i missed them. It was something to do after all. However i am sorely dissappointed. I thought we were here to help support each other!? So im getting the ball rolling again... Here's the joke for the night:

A man says to his wife, "you know, i would love to take a picture of your breasts and frame them." The woman says to her husband, "and i would like to put a picture of your penis behind a magnifying glass."

Ba-dum ching! Okok, so it sucks. But its late! Anyone else have any good ones?
» countdown
being up this late is the only way i get to see music video's on mtv.thank god 4 lil things huh? in bout 4 more hours i'll be asleep, tic tock tic tock
» It's Back
Sundays and Thursday nights are the worst for me. No sleep and if I do it's restless.

I think i got in an hour last night but if Trent has built up his Marmoset Army, then I got no sleep at all.
This one is for the Little Monkey's with quarter sized eyes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

And Letter Openers
» What Happened??????????????
I guess everyone fell Asleep
» (No Subject)
This is the second insomniac community I've joined. I find it a real bother.
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